Whenever I find myself in a situation where the person that I am dating invests a lot in me before we even consider something serious, I run for the hills. Whenever I invest too much in someone during that initial stage then they back off. It’s obvious. That can be defined as some hardcore infatuation in the real world or something that is proclaimed as true love in the movies – you know, love on first sight – when someone is perfect for you, you do all crazy kinds of stuff for them and you end up happily ever after, but only after some trivial fight where he runs to the airport and stops her from getting on the plane. Like that’s ever going to happen in real life 😀
Why do we like the people that don’t give us what we want? Are we in love with the pain of finding the ideal partner for years? Or just masochistic?
First of all, I think that people are very delusional and complex creatures. We are always on the lookout for some missing piece of the puzzle and we think that other people are here to fit into our world. That way of thinking is what gets you into this mess. But hey, we are not guilty of those standpoints, we were raised to believe them – this culture promotes that way of thinking. Fortunately, that’s not the case.
How can you set yourself free?
The first step would be to recognize your own pattern. I know what my pattern was – some crazy, weird guys with “Yolo mindset” – I know, it’s dreadful. Especially when you are not 18 years anymore and amused by someone who behaves like a teenager. Recognizing your own patterns is very important for putting an end to that vicious cycle of losing your mind over someone who doesn’t see you as you would want them to.
Ask yourself, what do your ex-partners have in common except for you? 😀 Those that you cared for, obviously. Maybe they all have had strong opinions about things or were very dependable. Perhaps they were very outgoing and sociable or spiritual and carefree. What did you always admire about them? Those traits are essential and you have to find them out in order to move on to the next phase.
The second step would be to reflect on your past and character. Why do you like those people? I would have to explain through an example. For me, it was that I always felt the need to behave like myself and pass over social restrictions. And because I always cared about everyone’s feelings and opinions I was somewhat limited in my own actions and wished to be more free and careless.
That’s why I went for those crazy, weird guys. They pulled that trait out of me and made me feel like I always wanted to. Doing silly things in public because we don’t care about anyone? Yeah, for sure. Being spontaneous and live in the moment? Great, sign me up. I admired their fierce, a bit childish and carefree nature. And I covered the basics of seduction in three sentences – seduction happens when you admire a quality in someone that you wished you had. That’s why you fall for those people. Case closed 😀 If you are interested, you can read more about seduction here on this link.
So, what are you looking for? What are you finding attractive? Why do most of the girls always go for the bad boys in high school? Because breaking the rules seems like an impossible thing to achieve and they are doing exactly that – something that no one will. And they don’t care if they get punished. Seductive? It depends on your personality. Did you always wish for being able to not care about rules? That will give you the answer. Do you see my point here? 😀
After you took some time and concentrated on your past, your triggers and missing pieces you can start focusing on yourself. If you wish to be more spontaneous, go out and free yourself from limitations. If you want to be more articulate, take a course and practice. Whatever it is, you can take those baby steps, start fresh and work on yourself instead of falling in love with someone who may be wrong for you or hurt you along the way. And for what? Just because you admire his/her ability to take things in control or stand up to authorities when needed? Not good enough. You can be that person, and you can achieve whatever you want to.
And guess what? When you become more of what you always imagined, you will no longer find those traits extravagant or something out of the ordinary.
Next time you can fall for someone for who they are, not because they will fulfill you in some way. Fall in love with their true essence, their raw character, flaws and all. Even after your process of growth, if you still like someone from the past, it will be for the right reasons. People are not here to complete us. They are here to encourage our growth and development towards becoming a better person.
Soooo, those were my viewpoints about this topic. What is your opinion? Feel free to put a comment down below and start a discussion.
Until next time :*