Look for “The One” or make it work with Anyone?

Do you need to spend your years and look for the one person destined to be yours? Or is this modern romantic concept of soulmates and twin flames just an illusion? Can everybody be “the one”?

Well, you may know that old Greek story about soul mates by Plato. If not, then please bear with me:

“According to Greek mythology, humans were originally created with four arms, four legs and a head with two faces. Fearing their power, Zeus split them into two separate parts, condemning them to spend their lives in search of their other halves.”

Oh please, maybe people back in that time had a chance of finding their other half given the fact that the population was made of like…10 people…

Try finding your other half today. Even with globalization and the Internet, you will still have zero chance of finding that one special person who will fulfill you and provide you with utter happiness. You can sense my sarcasm, right? And just for the record, I am not bitter on the concept of love as it may seem. I am only a bit frustrated with the concept of that fairytale romantic “Romeo and Juliet” infatuation promoted in songs, movies and books because with soaring divorce rates and more single households than ever before, perhaps it’s about time to rethink our approach to finding love.

Why do we believe these theories? How can the idea of “there is one person out there for me” in a world of 7 billion people be so popular among us? Artists, writers and filmmakers sell the concept of passionate love to us. How do we fall for it? Why is this notion of “idealistic love above all” so appealing and being with “the one” is an ultimate objective, which we pursue since we become aware of love as an idea?

There is a difference between falling in love and being in love and I am not saying that I am an expert but I can share my viewpoints on this topic. The process of falling in love is the easy part; it’s staying in love and being willing to stay committed to that person that takes a lifetime of effort. In addition, according to me, the concrete aspect of what makes us connect with one person instead of another is actually intimacy, and intimacy takes time. That brings along a whole new set of questions.

So, can you have a chance at real love with anyone?

Can everybody be the “one”? Many people would disagree with me because I think that you can love almost anyone. Yes, you read this one right – almost anyone. Not anyone from the streets, but anyone that you had the chance to know, respect and get into a normal relationship. But don’t you go on and think that loving someone is easy, it takes a lot of effort, willpower and time.

Every person on this planet has some positive/negative characteristics. Nothing is black or white (note: I am talking about every other normal basic person, not some clinical cases) so you can learn to adapt and love people because of their virtues and flaws. It all depends on yours and his/her ability to adapt to each other. The more compatible you are, the easier it will be.

What would it take for you two to make this happen?

If you are different people as in complete opposites, you would have to work hard (and I mean really hard) to overcome day-to-day issues. However, it is not impossible.

People change for each other, for themselves, for the greater good. For changing and evolving into someone worth loving, you need a completely different level of conciseness. You need to shift your mindset and have the willingness to preserve the relationship. I think that there are 5 principles that make or break a relationship.

For this to happen, two things are absolutely necessary: you need to appreciate and focus on their virtues and uniqueness, while they need to be flexible, make an effort and work on their flaws in order for you to appreciate them even more. The tricky part is if you do not agree on what makes a flaw. For example, your partner might think that your smoking habit is bad, and you consider yourself a passionate smoker  – the compromise is harder if this is the case.

That’s why I said that compatibility is important, it makes these things much easier. If (heaven forbids), you are not very compatible then other things come in line and those are kindness, forgiveness and patience.

Kindness in relationships is the ultimate key for success, even in my opinion above love itself. This comes from the desire to support someone and be gentle in a way that you resolve everything in a calm manner. The urge to manipulate or control your partner really comes from a state of inferiority, anger or fear. It’s a defense mechanism that will only ruin your relationship because no one really wants to spend his valuable days screaming and throwing plates at each other. Be above that, grow, listen and observe. There is always another way.

Forgiveness is important because nobody is perfect. The truth is – there is a different tolerance level in each of us, but try to understand that maybe sometimes no one is deliberately trying to hurt you. I am not saying that you should forgive everything – there are maybe some deal-breakers for you and that’s completely fine. Take your time and always put yourself in their shoes, be more rational about their characters and keep in mind their needs, defense mechanisms and insecurities. Maybe if you are more forgiving and kind, you can both work on making each other a better person.

And last but not least – patience. Understand that people need time to adapt and reflect on their misbehaviors and faults. If your partner is willing to work on that, you have to be patient and watch them grow slowly. Can you change overnight? Not really and that is exactly my point.

So, what ruins relationships?

Even if you are the most compatible people on this planet or even if you think he/she is the “one”, love means little if you don’t use those principles – appreciation, making an effort, kindness, forgiveness and patience. You can love someone to the moon and back but if you are selfish and take him/her for granted it all goes very quickly down the drain. Or, you’ll live in hell. Both are bad when there is love involved.

I have seen couples that were inseparable, compatible and had that “I-can’t-live-without-you” kind of love but they lacked many other important things. I have also seen couples that are well balanced, rational and more real about their expectations, futures and characters, without any kind of modern-day romantic drama. And, according to me, they have a better chance of survival.

Ultimately, I am not saying – go and be with absolutely anyone, but don’t ditch your perfectly normal relationship just because he/she is not perfect all the time. That doesn’t mean that your partner is not the one, it only means that he/she is human and you can both make it work if you try harder.

In addition to this, I have explained my opinion on which people might be most compatible with each other. You can read that blog post here – https://theclovertheory.com/do-opposites-attract/

This is a very broad topic, but I have managed to share some general insights. What do you think is most important in a relationship? Leave your thoughts in the comments down below, I would love to read your opinion 🙂

Best,
Aleksandra

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