When I look around me, all I see are people trying to prove themselves. It’s in the classroom where a child interrupts everyone trying to state its opinion. It’s in the workplace where a colleague steals all the credit from his coworker. Maybe even in the bar, where a guy makes a complete fool of himself in front of a group of girls. But, what about those who can’t impose themselves and attract attention so easily? In this world of extroverts, are they doomed and predestined for failure?
It may seem unfair but that’s the “unfortunate” way things work in today’s society. Fast modern life and capitalism dictate the “winners” as people who push themselves up to the top with their power of high confidence and self-esteem. Even though they are totally different subjects, people often confuse them as synonyms.
What really is confidence?
Confidence means having faith in yourself with doing the right things. It’s a term used to explain the feelings we have about our performance and the ability to conduct roles, tasks or even simple things. Self-esteem, on the other hand, is the image we have about ourselves, our character, values, morals, and thoughts. They can be (but not necessarily) connected with one another.
In this blog post, we are going to discuss the phenomenon of low self-confidence. I describe this as a phenomenon because when you think about it, there is simply no logical explanation of people having low confidence level because guess who has a VIP membership to your self-destructive tendencies and thoughts? Only and exclusively – you. 🙂
As humans, we are capable of being in control with our spirit, body, and mind while the power of our feelings in a given situation depends only on ourselves. No one can make you feel bad unless you allow them to. No one can make you feel embarrassed or ashamed of yourself unless you already feel that way on some level. You alone hold the power over yourself, yet it doesn’t feel that way… Why?
The bad thing about limited beliefs is that they are rooted in our subconscious since the early development of our minds. When we are born, we absorb every segment of the environment. That is the way we learn about survival as well as interpersonal and interpersonal communication. What we believe about other people and ourselves is directly affected by what we were taught as children. Parents, relatives or close friends shape our views and teach us how to think and behave. Our early development may be a slippery slide, a pathway with a lot of wrong turns.
Maybe your parents were overprotective and they made you depend on them; now you can’t seem to face the difficulties of the world – you were too scared to explore and examine new things. Or maybe you have faced some social difficulties in your early development as a child and you established an expectation that you will be rejected, ignored or laughed at by your peers. Either way, there are a ton of situations where a child can cultivate low self-confidence levels. Why does life have to be so complicated right?
If you involve yourself in this vicious cycle it becomes very hard to outgrow it. I call it a cycle because with your behavior you will evoke some kind of reactions – those reactions will impact your state of mind. If they are negative (as your low confidence energy) it will bring you more down which will conjure even lower energy and so on.
How can you be certain if you have low confidence levels?
There are some indicators which can point toward this issue if you are not fully aware if or how much are you devaluing yourself. For example, do you check your phone every 3 seconds when alone in a social event/situation? Are you that insecure and afraid of being alone? Did someone tell you that you take constructive criticism way too personally? Is that a way of defending what you fear is real? Or maybe you compare yourself to others all the time?
These are all indicators that you have low self-confidence. Also, a good tell-tale sign of this occurrence is indecisiveness, giving up too soon or constantly avoiding conflicts.
You see, when you have high self-confidence you don’t have the need to check your phone – you are comfortable on your own. You actually listen to your peers, evaluate the situation and reason with it in a pragmatic way. You don’t care about other people because you feel awesome in your own skin which leads to you being envy-free. You won’t give up on talking to that girl/boy before even trying to do so. You won’t avoid conflicts and confrontation because you deserve to fight for the better. Your purpose will change. It will be about self-love and appreciation, not about pleasing others.
How can you achieve that?
Oh, I am being a bit of a hypocrite here since I haven’t got extreme levels of high self-confidence but that doesn’t mean that I don’t have some insight about this subject. So, even if you read this post or have all the knowledge of the world you can still be thrown in your own shadow and never get out of it. You may think that this is not possible but I can assure you that only a thought as a single input doesn’t count. You need to feel empowered, take action and don’t give a damn about anyone’s opinion. Easier said than done, I know 😀
Well, first of all, let’s discuss your thoughts about your looks. I am sure you all look better than you think, but for the sake of this tip let’s say that what you think is actually true. Maybe you do have that extra pound, maybe your hair is really damaged or you hate wearing glasses. Whatever it is, stop crying like a little girl and get it fixed. I should know, I have been feeling sorry for myself my whole life – and I kept on doing so for many years. What did whining do for me? – Absolutely nothing.
Get on your feet, train, exercise, eat healthy, treat yourself with some care, make better choices. You always need to feel clean and fresh – otherwise, how do you expect to feel confident? When you take care of yourself you will always look beautiful. Every human being can look gorgeous when properly groomed. This is like most basic tip anyone could ever give you. If you don’t feel well on the outside, then what’s left for the inside? (and this is not superficial – looking good will psychologically connect you with positive feelings because you will receive bigger appreciation and admiration from your peers). Now that we talked about the exterior we can go on with the inside story.
Thoughts can destroy a person’s life. These devious, little schemers roll in our heads without invitation because of our inner issues.
“Oh no, I can’t go on that stage and sing, I may make a mistake” – You have no confidence.
”How can she love someone like me? I can’t do anything right!” – Again, you have no confidence.
“It’s better to hold my opinion than to be vocal and probably publicly humiliated in front of everyone” – Guess what? Yes, you have absolutely no confidence at all.
Do you see where I am going with this? Feeling confident in yourself means freeing yourself from everyone’s opinion. Think about it, just stop with everything and think. What’s the worst thing that could happen? Will you die if you try something out of your comfort zone? (figuratively speaking of course). The worst thing would be someone laughing at you or talking behind your back – is this important to you? Are they important to you? Do they play a vital role in your life? If yes, you need to fix your priorities and if no, then why the hell do you care? Truth is, someone will always think something about you. Their opinion is based on their own values, experiences, and issues. In most of the cases, it has nothing to do with you.
Also, you are not perfect – no one is. Stop trying to be, seem, act, behave like you are because eventually, you will fail and when that does happen it will destroy your self-image. Forgive yourself, everyone is doing the best they can and so are you. Even if you fail. Especially when you fail. So, be more humble, forgiving and kind to yourself because you deserve it.
And last thing, understand that your circumstances are not defining your personality. We are all born with equal worth in this world which means you too have the right to feel loved and appreciated. Not everyone will act that way but that doesn’t matter, it’s their loss, not yours. What’s important is that you need to have that fact in your mind everywhere you go.
You have to understand that psychology knowledge is crucial for proper functioning in this mad world. We are all genuinely mad, there is no discussion about that. Behavioral psychology and psychotherapy should be a subject important as math or history – without them, you will probably have a hard time figuring out the world and yourself. So, our educational system dooms our generations and gives us absolutely no primer knowledge of these subjects. No wonder we are all lost.
So, what is left for us now? Is there any hope? You know what they say, the hardest thing in this world is to live in it.
So, be brave. Live 🙂