I was sitting alone today, at a bar, reading a book. Ordered a beer, drank the hell out of it and took off. Afterward, I had a small debate in my head. Was I perceived as a lonely person, who had nothing else to do but sit alone at bars with some funny books?
I feel like people are very lonely deep inside, not because they are alone necessarily, but because they don’t feel satisfied with themselves. When you are in balance with your life, when you have accepted yourself and who you are, you don’t feel the need to find someone in order to fulfill you.
I know people that can’t really be alone and stay in on a Friday night. These people are everywhere, and at some point probably every single one of us had this feeling – like you are always on the lookout for new experiences and have a terrible fear of missing out. For example, what if your friends went out and something funny happens? You will not be there to see it. What if that club opening turns out to be the best night ever? You will not be there to experience it. What if you missed seeing someone you like? Bummer.
I wondered, are these types of people really extroverted or just plain lonely? Maybe something in between?
Yes, in general, I think that people are very lonely. I can see it in their faces when I walk down the street. I can even notice it when they are in groups, sitting on their phones. I can see it in that girl, desperately trying to get attention on social media from her peers by posting pictures of what she thinks is appropriate. Then she spends years wondering why guys don’t take her seriously and gets even lonelier. And those guys, they are the definition of lonely too, otherwise, they wouldn’t have the need, time and energy to validate that girl’s behavior. It’s like the lonely vicious dating cycle of the modern era.
I guess that every single person on this planet is stuffed with beliefs from a young age for creating meaningful relationships with their surroundings, but no one ever really talks about the most important person in your world – you. Especially in this contemporary life, with instant gratification, in a world where everything is somewhat trashy, rushed and fast – fast life, fast dates, fast food. We change relationships (lovers, friends, hell you can even change your family today) as we change our socks, we are the main victim roles in our damn scenarios and then we whine about life being hard and how no one really understands us.
Let me tell you what I understand. I know that this world with being so fake gives you no other option than to feel lonely. But you can overcome those fake feelings, stop complaining and understand that life is not about completing yourself with the pursuit of someone else. You are so much more than that. More than being a part of someone.
While common definitions of loneliness describe it as a state of solitude or being alone, loneliness is actually a state of mind and a choice, not a status quo. You can sit alone in your room and feel like you own your god damn world without developing an existential crisis. Or on the other hand, maybe a question mark would be more appropriate 😀
I think that on some level every single person is ‘forever alone’ and nothing can change that. All of our surroundings, friends, and family seems nice and it helps you to stay sane without visiting the shrink every now and then but it doesn’t seem like it’s enough. Why is that so?
Because you are not seeing yourself as enough. There is nothing wrong with the fact of being ‘forever alone’ and let me explain what do I mean by that term. It means that you stand alone in this world with your insecurities, problems, and dreams. You are the one that has to deal with everything going on in your head. Yes, close people can stick around and hold your hand but at the end “you & yourself and not Irene” are the one(s) that has to face your demons. Please mind that I am not suggesting you to develop a multiple personality disorder – it was only a joke 😀 And having the strength to care after yourself and find time to enjoy your company is not bad at all. Quite the contrary, it’s empowering.
In the process of being alone, you can truly learn how to be free. Go out, breathe in and walk around for half an hour. You can go wherever you want, do whatever you need and be spontaneous and feel alive. The ability to go out in a public place and enjoy without needing to speak and chat with people is really something that cannot be explained. Or I don’t have the proper vocabulary – that makes a perfectly good sense too 😀 It doesn’t mean that you are a crazy person without friends, it just means that you would prefer to sit and watch the world go by, slow down and quiet your mind. By getting away and being alone, you will learn more about the world, your life and maybe come to some understanding of who you are.
So the moral of my story is that no, I don’t think that you need to be alone and lonely at the same time. I do think that you with being determined of trying to take your time and find yourself in this crazy world is freaking amazing.
It means that you are the center of your own universe. Bravo.